


Made It This Far

by papesdontsellthemselves



Series: The California AU [2]
Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt, but it was failed, but the implication of trying is still very much there, how do you taggg, soft bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 08:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17700998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papesdontsellthemselves/pseuds/papesdontsellthemselves
Summary: "I'm glad I'm here."





	Made It This Far

**Author's Note:**

> tw for implied suicide attempt

The bed of the truck was surprisingly warm in contrast to the cool, night air. It wasn’t even like it provided much shelter, but the blankets that were situated there were more than enough guard to the breeze.  
Stars shone brightly overhead, oddly visible considering their location. Some parking lot somewhere in California. They’d lost track.  
It was nearing midnight, but cars still sped along the street near them, adding to the noise of the night- reminding them of who they were. Only one story in a sea of millions.  
“I’m glad I’m here.”  
His voice was barely above a whisper, almost getting lost in the sounds of traffic.  
Spot looked down, head cocking slightly. He hadn’t realized Race was still awake.  
“Hm?”  
Race shifted so that he was laying on his side, looking up at Spot. They held eye contact for a moment, before his eyes flickered strangely and he looked away.  
“You okay?” Spot murmured, reflexively reaching up to pet through his curls. Race caught his arm and held his palm to his lips, kissing the calloused skin softly before intertwining their fingers.  
His thumb grazed the backs of Spot’s hand as he stared almost absentmindedly at the sky above Spot’s head. His eyes were squinting as he sat deep in thought, and as the minutes passed, he seemed to grow more troubled.  
“Hey,” Spot squeezed his hand, grabbing his attention, “What’s on your mind?”  
Race opened his mouth to speak and held his breath. Spot could see the thoughts in his mind rushing at top speed as he willed himself to say what he was thinking.  
“I…” Race shook his head, looking back at Spot. The raw vulnerability that Spot saw in his eyes was almost frightening, but he willed himself to remain neutral.  
“I wasn’t…” Race paused, breaking their gaze again and swallowing, “I wasn’t even supposed to make it out of high school,” another pause. Bated breaths. Hearts hammering. “But I did...and at first I was disappointed, but now I’m...glad. I’m glad I made it.”  
Spot sat still for a moment, allowing for the words to sink in, “What do you mean you ‘weren’t supposed to make it’?” He knew the answer and he almost didn’t want it to be real.  
Race winced, his free hand moving to pick at a thread on Spot’s jacket. He didn’t answer for a moment.  
“Things were hard,” he started, steeling himself, “I was in a really bad place for reasons that even now I’d rather not get into and,” he heaved a breath and Spot tightened his hold on him, “I was supposed to off myself, you know? Seemed like the only good option…” he trailed off for a moment and Spot waited with a pit in his stomach for him to continue, “So one night,” Race twitched his nose, “one night I thought I’d, you know,” he gestured vaguely, his hand waving for a moment before it landed on his wrist. He kept it there for a moment before he withdrew it quickly, as though it were white hot, “I thought I’d try, but my plan didn’t go so well and,” another breath, “I’m still here.”  
Spot’s head was spinning as he tried to make sense of what he was hearing. He hadn’t known of Race’s past state and it was beyond jarring to hear. He rifled through his mind, trying to pick out the right words to respond with. Did he apologize? Offer help? Was Race doing better? Should he be worried?  
“But,” Spot blinked, snapping back to the moment, “I’m glad it didn’t work,” Spot let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, “I’m glad I was able to meet you and fall in love with you and run away with you and-” he cut himself off, looking up at Spot, “I’m glad I’m still here.”  
Spot pulled him closer, kissing him softly, “Tony I…” he pulled back, staring at Race with the most sincere expression he could muster, “I’m so beyond thankful you’re still here, too.”  
Race held his gaze for a moment longer before allowing his eyes to wander back towards the stars. They fell back into silence, but Spot gripped Race’s hand a little tighter, counting his blessings.  
They were safe.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback's always appreciated, chiefs


End file.
